with your own penis?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
