I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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