grandma shit on top of the toilet
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
