And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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