i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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