Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
