Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
