my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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