It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
