Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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