So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
