Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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