I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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