after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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