No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
