this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
