I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
