She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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