lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
True strength comes from lack of pants
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
