the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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