If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
