one two three fourrrrnication!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
