I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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