Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
