You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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