it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize