So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
