i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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