dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
