you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
