just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
