I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
