im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
