whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
