things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
