$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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