never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
