i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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