I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Enjoy the penises
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
