his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
