I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
