I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
