i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize