he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize