i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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