Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
