The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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