it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize