we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Randomize
