He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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