dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
