I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
