It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
