Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
