If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
