how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
