He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize