I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
