I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
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