Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
