i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize