Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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