hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
