Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
