I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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