First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
