Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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