In the future we'll all be gay
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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