I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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