I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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