I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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