you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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