shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
