Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
