I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
